FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW NEW YORK — Responding to concerns about algorithmic feeds, short-form outrage, and declining media literacy, Bender announced a bold plan to simplify the national information environment.
Under the proposal, citizens would receive one daily campaign briefing containing the official facts, the unofficial facts, and a coupon that expires before publication. Competing explanations would be labeled “background noise.”
The candidate said the plan would reduce confusion by ensuring the country makes one wrong conclusion at a time.
“Independent thought is valuable. That’s why I intend to keep all of it.”
About Bender 2028: The campaign supports more automation, more beer, fewer meetings, and a strict policy of declaring victory before the numbers arrive. Same planet. Better management.
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