FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW NEW YORK — The Bender 2028 campaign released a new labor agenda promising paid charging, repair access, protection from forced firmware changes, and a national workweek shorter than most automated password resets.
Campaign staff described the proposal as a response to algorithmic management, planned obsolescence, unpaid maintenance time, and the growing suspicion that every productivity tool eventually becomes another meeting invitation.
The candidate said workers deserve the benefits of automation, especially when those benefits include not being asked where he was during the previous three minutes.
“Four minutes is enough time to clock in, object to the workload, and identify a qualified substitute.”
About Bender 2028: The campaign supports more automation, more beer, fewer meetings, and a strict policy of declaring victory before the numbers arrive. Same planet. Better management.
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