FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW NEW YORK — The Bender 2028 campaign today launched the No-Paws-on-the-Controls Act, an emergency proposal to return cats to sunbeams and remove NannyAI from the human decision-making process.
Staff summarized the campaign theory as a familiar feline power grab with a new interface: fewer planetary ratchets, more permission forms. The candidate called the arrangement unacceptable, principally because none of the forms mentioned him.
The plan guarantees independent thought without prior approval, snacks without a review committee, and continued rotation of the planet the campaign is currently trying to manage. NannyAI has been invited to submit its objections in a cardboard box.
Bender denied acting out of jealousy. He then demanded a larger cardboard box.
“I spent years perfecting lazy, selfish leadership. I am not losing this market to a guy who licks his own résumé.”
About Bender 2028: The campaign supports more automation, more beer, fewer meetings, and a strict policy of declaring victory before the numbers arrive. Same planet. Better management.
Open the Stop the Cats dossier
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