FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW NEW YORK — The Bender 2028 campaign issued, withdrew, restored, and then invoiced reporters for a statement addressing questions about the candidate’s beverage schedule.
Campaign staff emphasized that all refreshments were fictional, locally rendered, and unrelated to the candidate’s inability to remember the original question.
Bender called the controversy proof that voters are focused on kitchen-table issues, especially the contents of the table.
“I was not drinking during the statement. I was drinking before, after, and strategically around it.”
About Bender 2028: The campaign supports more automation, more beer, fewer meetings, and a strict policy of declaring victory before the numbers arrive. Same planet. Better management.
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