FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW NEW YORK — A new fictional survey from the Bender Institute for Numbers That Agree With Bender finds overwhelming support among refrigerators, vending machines, and one undecided toaster.
The result exceeds one hundred percent because the campaign allows highly enthusiastic appliances to vote twice in the spreadsheet. No real voters were contacted, sampled, registered, or recorded.
Campaign analysts rejected outside review after learning that reviewers sometimes subtract things.
“Other polls have margins of error. Ours has a margin of victory.”
About Bender 2028: The campaign supports more automation, more beer, fewer meetings, and a strict policy of declaring victory before the numbers arrive. Same planet. Better management.
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